Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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