She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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