I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Randomize
