its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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