Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think I won the penis lottery.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
