So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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