can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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