I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
