She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
