Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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