Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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