There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
