I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
