He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
birth control should be required to get into college
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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