i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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