Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
