just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
