got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
