If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
