So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize