What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
