So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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