I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize