I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
