dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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