And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Randomize
