Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
