my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
