just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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