I wish I only lived at night.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
