1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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