Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
