i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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