I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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