McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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