just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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