Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
