you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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