New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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