I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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