i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
