please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
