last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
