Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
