btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize