I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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