I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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