he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
