I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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