there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i need an iv and a liver transplant
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
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