Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
