I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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