i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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