NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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