I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
