i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
