I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
