i think i have two assholes
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im holly from the hills drunk
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
