Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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