12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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