Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
