I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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