...so i touched it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
