Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
