college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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