the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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