What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
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Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
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Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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