I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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