It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
